


Apparently wizards just want muggle erotica

by the_crown_jules



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Banter, Cute, Diagon Alley, Established Relationship, Everyone is ready to play, F/M, Fade to Black, Flourish and Blotts, Fluff, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, One Shot, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:40:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22730374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_crown_jules/pseuds/the_crown_jules
Summary: Hermione and Lucius, purveyors of quality goods in Diagon Alley, have new lines of romantic merchandise that are so popular they have to close shop to re-stock. I'm sure they'll think of some way to pass the time while they wait....
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Lucius Malfoy
Comments: 3
Kudos: 67





	Apparently wizards just want muggle erotica

**Author's Note:**

> Happy little Valentine's one-shot for my husband featuring his OTP (and shared with his blessing).
> 
> These characters and locations are not my own but are copyright of JK Rowling, Scholastic, and Bloomsbury and lovingly borrowed here.

Hermione flung herself through the door of the apothecary, slamming it and bracing her body against it, hair wild, chest heaving, arms and fingers splayed wide as if to hold back a rising tide. A little bell at the top of the door frame tinkled madly in the wake of her onslaught. She blew a curl off her forehead and tried to catch her breath, taking in deep lungfuls of the crisp air. Its green, slightly herbal taste soothed her with familiarity and she looked around the high-ceilinged room, once Ollivander's wand shop, at the shelves of plants and bottles and vials glinting in the weak grey light of a February day in England. At eye height was an elegant silver display stand advertising a variety of specialty products of the type that might be enjoyed by adventurous lovers, although the stand itself was notably empty. Also notably empty was the shop itself. Just as she drew a breath to call for him, she heard an almighty thundering of footsteps from the back room, meaning that Lucius was rushing up from his laboratory under the shop.

"We're closed at the moment," he called as he came, baritone voice sounding uncharacteristically harried. "I thought I put a sign, I hope to restock by mid-afternoon..."

His thought cut off as he saw that it was her and not a customer, and although she knew that she must look a sight herself after her mad dash down the alley from the bookstore, she couldn't help but grin at the state of him. He was usually immaculate, but today his vest was wrinkled and there was a cobweb stuck to his dusty, rolled-up sleeve. Long, fine blond hair was escaping from its ponytail to frame his face, all high cheekbones and arrogance and...Merlin help her, he had a smudge of soot across his cheek. She had long thought disheveled Lucius was the most handsome brand of Lucius, but was used to him being disheveled for another reason.

"What on earth happened to you?" her voice was full of incredulity and restrained laughter. He frowned and scrubbed at his cheek but his expression quickly softened under the full wattage of her amused, affectionate smile.

"You first," he said, walking over to her and plucking a leaf out of her wayward hair before planting a kiss on her sweaty forehead. "I thought someone was finally breaking down the door to get a bottle of lube, which mark my words is a sentence I never thought would pass my lips."

Hermione laughed as she relaxed against the door and then squeaked as Lucius swept her up and off her feet and deposited on the worn wooden counter where she perched, legs dangling. He leaned against it next to her, always distracting when he stretched out those long legs in that languid way of his, and she held out a hand with a wordless gesture. He reached in to the pocket of his trousers and fished out a hair tie, handing it over to her. With a sigh of relief, she bundled her curls in to a messy bun on top of her head and fanned the back of her neck. Seeing that the sign on his shop was signaling it was closed, she started to chuckle again at the ridiculousness of it all.

"Lucius, this is either the best idea we've ever had or the worst. We were completely sold out at F&B by 11:30 and I just had to owl the publishing liaisons to ask if they can rush owl as many books to me as possible or send a contract allowing me to duplicate the books and pay them after the fact. I just...I just had to sell three books to Molly Weasley, Lu. MOLLY. WEASLEY."

"Who in addition to her other, ah, qualities, is an excellent representative of a large part of your target demographic," Lucius replied lightly. "Who knew there would be such a ferocious appetite for muggle romance novels? You did, is the answer, in case you are wondering."

She snorted. "Some other large parts of my target demographic might not have such an appetite for good old Flourish and Blotts after this little holiday offering. With these sales numbers, though, I'd be crazy not to keep it going. Is it possible to maintain a reputation as one of the finest sellers of rare wizarding historical texts as well as the only wizarding seller of muggle erotica?"

Lucius put an arm around her. "I would hazard a guess that there's more overlap than you think. Besides, I think everyone already knew you're secretly kinky."

"Oh?" her tone was coy, and she began to run teasing fingers down his chest, toying with his buttons. He caught her hand and brought it slowly to his mouth, meeting her eyes with a smoldering gray gaze as he sucked sinfully on one of her fingers. This elicited a little gasp that curled his lips into a smirk. "How do you figure?" she continued, a little breathlessly.

"Surely you don't think it's escaped notice that you're married to me," he said, unfolding from where he leaned against the counter and bracing his hands on either side of her hips so he leaned over her where she still perched, nestled against the till. Now that he was in front of her, she welcomed him in, wanting to be closer to his bulk, still wholly him if slightly dusty around the edges. Uncrossing her denim-clad legs, she reached out with her feet extended to wrap her legs around his waist and draw him into her. He grunted approvingly at this change and wrapped his arms around her, hands sliding down to cup her ass.

"You," and she punctuated this with a little roll of her hips that made him grip her delightfully, "are a respectable apothecary."

"I," he said, "am a scary man with a dark past who decided to follow his wife down the garden path of novelty Valentine's Day offerings and become a purveyor of wizarding products for improving the experience of lovemaking."

He rattled this off in that low, rough, patrician voice that was nearly a purr and nearly made her rip his clothes off there and then. She settled for arching her neck up so her breasts pressed into him and nibbling his ear as she observed, "Well, they're clearly not too afraid to buy _all of_ said products." One of his hands had left her ass and found her breast, where it was engaged in driving her crazy.

"I think popular opinion is that I must know what I'm doing in that arena," he said, before kissing her full on the mouth, lips warm and coaxing, parting hers to make way for a tantalizing sweep of tongue. As she began to moan against him she experienced a flash of awareness and broke away slightly. His expression mere inches away was awash with desire, with that hint of something more dangerous underneath that still always made her blood thrill and made her wonder whether public sex would be better than waiting another moment to have him inside her.

"Lucius," she breathed, voice thick with arousal. "At some point we are going to have to acknowledge that we are in the middle of your shop."

"My _closed_ shop," he said, pinching her nipple for emphasis.

"Your closed shop that still has plenty of windows," she said, attempting a stern tone and failing as he buried his face in her neck and kissed it in that way that always made her giggle helplessly.

"Hermione," he said, pulling away suddenly and looking at her seriously. "Am I to understand that you have fled from your overrun bookstore while you await a second shipment of goods, and this happens to coincide with a time my potions have," he cast a quick wandless charm and a smoky number flashed in the air, "35 minutes left in their brewing time?"

"I like it when you're clever," she said, running a hand down the front of his trousers and palming the hard length she found there.

"You'll like what I'm going to do next even better," he said, cupping her ass and lifting her off the counter, beginning to walk towards the back rooms of the shop with her legs wrapped firmly around his waist, arms around his neck, face buried in the lovely soft strands of his hair.

"What are you going to do next?" she whispered with anticipation, mind filling with memories of him bending her bodily over his workbench and pounding in to her fast and huge from behind... her on her knees nearly choking on his cock, his back against the supply shelves, his hands fisting in her hair, a large hand wrapping around her throat... _her_ back against the shelves, legs around his waist, impaled on him as he thrust so hard that the shelves shook and ingredients rained around them, tiny bottles smashing on the floor as she arched in ecstasy...

"I'm going to cause property damage," he said, and kicked the door closed behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this listening to the song "Finast utan filter" from Swedish artist Nadja Evelina because to me it is pure joy.


End file.
